I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
