how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Randomize