i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
