This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I FOUND THE LEGS
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
