I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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