i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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