You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
