So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
