The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
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