I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
i out mim tonsoeep
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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