He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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