I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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