Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
