I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
