he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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