Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
