Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
