He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
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