so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
So vagazzling was a success
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
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