Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
