Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
