My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
