On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
you have to choose: penises or morals?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
