U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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