It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
