New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
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