I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
