How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
