god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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