how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
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