operation harelip BJ is a go
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Randomize
