After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
