I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
