i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
