I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Randomize
