Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
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