where am i from again
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
