It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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