Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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