dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
