my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Let's paint friendship bongs
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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