At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
