Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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