How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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