2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I cockslap morals
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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