You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
