I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
