She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
