There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
