Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Randomize
