is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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