i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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