i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
