I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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