Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
