the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
